Abandonment issues

If a blogger neglects to post for months but realizes the error of her ways and returns to her faithful readers, is she still a blogger? Survey says…yes! So sorry for the extended delay, but I guess I’d found it difficult to take time away from my busy schedule of doing nothing to write on this here site.

So where were we? Last we spoke, momma was playing the role of Captain Find-A-Mirror, special to the Fashion Police Emergency Services Unit. Things have not changed much. The seasons have shifted, and with them the wardrobe atrocities committed on the streets of New York and beyond are fall-focused. Whereas summer apparel issues usually take the form of scant pieces in desperate need of further coverage, fall and winter present a much graver issue. It seems, despite the lack of tundra in the Big Apple, that people remain committed to pelts and the promotion of murder. See, e.g. Exhibit A:

Where’s a gallon of red paint when you need it? It’s quite possible that this coat is as faux as baby girl’s lips, but that still promotes the image and concept of fur as fashionable. But let’s cut a ho a break for just a moment. Clearly, the girl has bigger problems:

One should never resemble Donatella Versace so closely, but when you are 23 and could be DV’s stunt double, we’re talking official rock bottom status. Dios mio, girl. Do you need any more bad karma on your head? Methinks you don’t.

In all seriousness, I just do NOT understand the draw of fur. Unless you are a huntress (or a hunter, because I ain’t sexist) and using the whole animal for foodstuffs as well as your trousseau, I simply don’t get it. The food chain is one thing…raising creatures for the sake of “luxury” accoutrements is quite another. Aren’t there viable options for keeping warm that don’t involve slaughter?

I realize that this is a controversial issue, and that is why I am opening up this dialogue. If you’re a fan of fur, what is it that attracts you? I’d honestly like to know. Comment away…

*(images courtesy of Socialite Life and Gawker, respectively)*

Back by popular demand

Well how-dee-do! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Momma’s been busy, but she’s back to entertain you lovelies. Just dawned on me that it’s been about 2 months since my last post, and that’s way too long. I still haven’t fully unpacked the new place (can I still even call it new anymore? Jury’s still out on that), and am looking forward to the day when it gets accomplished. Unfortunately, there’s no ETA on that since it involves getting my lazy ass up and doing the work. Meh.

Since my last post, I’ve been bored at work, gone to see Phish a bunch of times (!!!), and, well, nothing else really sticks out in my mind. I beg of you, don’t be too jealous of my uber-exciting life.

So let’s pick up where we left off and pretend that my little hiatus never happened. Random and/or obscure movies that you so need to own. My list starts with the following, in no particular order:

Center Stage: the story of a girl and her journey through the hard knock life of NYC ballet. Campy delicious goodness.

Troop Beverly Hills: Phyllis Nefler. ‘Nuff said.

Love Story: maybe not so obscure, but sweet jesus this is the best PMS film ever put on celluloid. Bonus feature: rough and tumble college hockey!

Death Becomes Her: star-studded ridiculousness, featuring Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, Bruce Willis and Isabella Rosselini. A cult classic.

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger/Death Of A Cheerleader*/Friends ‘Till The End: Never heard of them? Well, shame on you! The Academy snubbed these three gems, which are Lifetime Originals starring the illustrious former stars of the greatest show ever aired on television. I speak, of course, of “Beverly Hills, 90210.” The first two feature the most radiant natural beauty America has to offer, one Victoria “Tori” Spelling. The third flick is headlined by none other than Brenda Walsh herself, the thespian goddess that is Miss Shannen Doherty.

*Ummm, holy crap. A commercial for “Death Of A Cheerleader” just came on while I was writing this very section. It’s an obscure enough movie to make that reeeeally creepy. My DVR might reject it like a bad transplant organ, but I’ll be damned if that isn’t going to be on my watch list for the weekend.

Your turn, in the comments.

CRAZY PEOPLE, PART 3

All work and very little play make me a horrible blogger Oh, how I’ve missed you!

Here’s a “Crazy People” update (actually, an update to the first update), because this bidness never stops! Despite the fact that we ALREADY WON, our illustrious opposing party has filed an order to show cause, claiming that he was “sick” during our last court appearance and that our statements about the situation are false. This means another trip to scenic River Avenue. At least it’ll be a chance to check in on the progress at the new Stadium! Details to follow…

Shopping news:

C L O T H I N G L I N ESSS Sample Sales 261 W 36th Street (between 7th & 8th Ave) 2nd Floor New York, NY 10018

Preview us online at www.clothingline.com E-mail us at jordan@clothingline.com

All accessories & swimwear are final sales. Dressing room will be closed for the duration of this sale. Our entrance and selling floor closes up to 30 minutes prior to close of store. J. CREW MEN’S & CREWCUTS SALE IS COMING APRIL 13TH.

Peeing without a pee-pee…what’s a gal to do?

Picture it: you’re standing in a crowded place (i.e. the National Mall at the dawn of a new era, Times Square on New Year’s Eve [although why one would subject oneself to such torture I'll never know]). You are a lady, and you gots to go number one. You can’t just whip it out like our brothers can and do, since there’s no “it” to whip out (unless you’re a pre-op and have the best of both worlds). You don’t want an unsightly puddle gathering at your feet, but you don’t want to miss out on the action. You’re in a quandary: what do you do?

Allow me to present Go Girl. As a rather frequent pee-er (that’s not an overshare, it’s a fact), I find this product intriguing. I also find it kind of gross. However, as my beloved Michael K at Dlisted brought it to my attention, so too do I bring it to yours. Draw your own conclusions. Oh, and if you happen to have experience with or purchase this product, I think we’d all like to hear some feedback.

I’d also like to direct your attention to a new addition on the blogroll: F*** My Life. It was recently brought to my attention, and I haven’t stopped laughing since. It’s a great time waster, and it speaks to the notion that things could always be worse. Schadenfreude? Perhaps. Hilarious? Absolutely.

Bureaucracy at its finest

So how’s this for a bite in the ass? On the very same day I started this here blog, I find out that my firm has a “no blogging on the firm’s computer system” policy. I’m pretty sure that my writing down my thoughts and observations in the seven hours of free time I have per workday can’t possibly pose any kind of conflict of interest, but in this economy, I’d rather keep my boring yet paying gig. Fear not, dear readers (all 3 of you): I will find a way to keep bitching online, come hell or high water. I’m having way to much fun with this to let The Man shut me down. 

Enjoy this lovely fall weekend.